High School Incarnate

The following paragraphs are quoted verbatim from an assignment I did for...one of my classes in my senior year in high school (can't remember which one, it's been seven and a half years as of this post). I was asked to write a satire; this is what they got. Sit back and enjoy.

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There aren't many things that strike me as unusual in high school anymore, especially when I'm considering the type of life the neighborhood leads. This type of thing may lead people of other societies to be puzzled, but this behavior doesn't bother me anymore. I understand you may not know what I'm talking about, so I'll elaborate.

The time schedule at my high school is like this: there are six hours, each of them 55 minutes long. There are three lunch periods, each of them 35 minutes long, and a 30-minute break period before that. I have a variety of classes, each with its own group of strange and outlandish individuals.

Let me tell you about how my school life usually goes. During my first-hour class, a number of people who stay out late bring pillows with them so that they can doze an extra 50 minutes. At the end of the week, we usually take some time to carefully construct a dessert or meal. This is rather hard to do when one is asleep, especially if you're assigned to actually cook anything. The reason I say this is because it's difficult to sleep with a pillow in your hand and bake cookies at the same time.

My second hour usually passes by without incident, but my next class was nearly deserted when I first joined. The administration had trouble finding replacements, so they bought a group of monkeys from some nearby zoos, gave them names and a pencil, and drew up a seating arrangement. I don't even see the point in giving them lunch money, since they don't even know what that is; it usually winds up on the floor somewhere. Lastly, since they're unaware that they're constantly being watched, they take whatever chance they get to go bananas about whatever they don't understand.

The break period that takes place before lunch is quite uneventful 3 days out of the week, with the exception of this one annoying chimp that shows up whenever I walk in. I don't even bother to talk to him anymore; he just looks at me as if I'm an idiot and screeches something I can't comprehend.

After lunch is my fifth-hour class. In that class, we do our best to print a bunch of lines and pictures that have some kind of relation to whatever is going on in school. Not much of a downside there, except our spell-checker is broken. This leaves all the corrections that need to be made to Prince Gray M. Mar, the spelling king, and his superior, Lord Angle Lishe.

My sixth and seventh hour classes are my most dangerous ones. There is a sign hanging above the sixth-hour door that says, "Abandon all hope ye who enter here", and the sign that resides over my seventh-hour class reads, "Here be dragons." The comparison between the two classes is quite amazing. For instance, 6th hour has relatives of the 3rd hour monkeys, known as gorillas. They have the ability to comprehend and even mimic human speech, with their favorite word being "moose." On average, they say this about 69 times a day, torturing all those with good hearts. In 7th hour, the head dragon will roar something about politics, provoking a series of smaller roars from all the little dragons in the room. When the tone sounds, I leave, thankful that my hearing aid has been turned off.

Whenever I walk the hallways, there is always a constant commotion and something flying through the air. There were several food trays being kicked around the floor for a while when someone stated: "You are what you eat." I would explain more about my life in school, but I have to go to my next class. I can hear the monkeys calling me.